


Fortune's Gift

by h_d



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety Disorder, Fear of Death, Fluff, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Porn with Feelings, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-17
Updated: 2014-05-17
Packaged: 2018-01-25 09:59:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1644692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/h_d/pseuds/h_d
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur knows he's very lucky that Merlin loves him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fortune's Gift

**Author's Note:**

> Title inspired by [this Dead Can Dance song](http://youtu.be/IiGXnI7CM1k) .

1.

Arthur ran through the airport, not caring about the people he shoved aside or the people who were staring at him in shock.

"Merlin!" he yelled over and over, as he ran. He'd been looking for Merlin for days, for years, it felt like. How had they been separated, how had Merlin let his phone die again, how had they not set up a meeting spot? It would've been so easy, Arthur thought, to plan to meet up at baggage claim. They'd been to this airport before, and he knew that Merlin got lost easily. It was all Arthur's fault. Merlin must be hurt, afraid and alone somewhere, even more afraid than Arthur was now. And Arthur was terrified. He knew he was never going to find him, but still he yelled his name. 

He woke himself up shouting and found that he was clutching Merlin far too tightly, like a toddler with a teddy bear. He buried his nose in the back of Merlin's neck and unconsciously breathed in his scent with quick, gulping breaths. His heart was still pounding fast in his panic, but the smell of Merlin, the smell of home, helped a lot. He relaxed his arms as he felt Merlin struggle to turn around to face Arthur. He slowed his breathing to match Merlin's, as he'd learned to do, and the panic dissipated slowly.

"Are you alright, love?" Merlin asked, gently cupping Arthur's cheek with his hand. 

"Yes, sorry. Just a bad dream," Arthur replied. He didn't want to speak any part of his dream aloud. It was too frightening, too raw. "You can go back to sleep," he said.

"My poor love," Merlin said in a sleep-rough voice, nestling his head against Arthur's chest and wrapping his arms around Arthur's waist. Arthur's arms came up to keep him close, and he gently stroked Merlin's thick, unruly curls.

Arthur listened to Merlin's breathing slow down and even out and thought about his dream. Sometimes in waking life Arthur grew very fearful that Merlin would die, ripped away from Arthur before their lives could really begin. He knew that he was very lucky to be safe, with Merlin's love protecting him always; he knew that most people were not as fortunate. He worried that there was some sort of invisible allotment of happiness set aside for him, and that he had already used up far more than he should have.

 

2.

They'd met just after uni, five years ago, and Arthur had never imagined having such a healthy relationship, feeling so right and natural with anyone. He'd always been stiff and formal, trying to work out the rules of everything that happened. His handful of sexual experience before Merlin had been equal opportunity but equally awkward, every single person getting dressed and leaving him as quickly as possible afterwards. 

His friend Gwen, whom he'd grown up with, had thrown a party and invited Merlin, whom she'd met at uni. As soon as they were introduced, Merlin's smile turned inviting and a bit wicked.

"You're very handsome," Merlin said. "Would you like to go out sometime?"

Arthur was shocked, having never been approached in such a direct manner. The man before him had enormous ears and a very animated face. He was gorgeous, Arthur thought, and he blinked in surprise a few times before agreeing and exchanging numbers with Merlin immediately. That led to a series of playful texts, and then a few dinner dates, sometimes in Merlin's flat, with chaste kisses at the end after one walked the other home. It was old-fashioned and sweet, and Arthur loved it. 

With Merlin, everything was easy, warm, simple. As Arthur shook off the fear of the dream, he remembered the first time they'd made love. They'd marathoned a few episodes of Buffy on Merlin's old beat-up couch, gradually moving closer until Merlin's hand sought out Arthur's. He loved this show and he loved how Merlin, who'd never seen it before, laughed and gasped at all the right parts. He was so wrapped up in the TV show and in the warmth of Merlin beside him that he just squeezed Merlin's hand and laced their fingers together, feeling fond and happy. Before Arthur could analyse anything at all, he had a lapful of Merlin, who was kissing him so fiercely that it left him breathless. 

Merlin pulled back, his eyes intent but crinkling at the corners with the hint of a smile. "I know that was a bit, er, forceful," he said, huffing out a laugh. "But I've been wanting to do that for quite some time."

Arthur didn't know what to say to that, but he knew he wanted to feel more of those gorgeous full lips, so he kissed him slowly, letting Merlin take control. Merlin's hands skated up beneath Arthur's t-shirt, pressing hard and almost possessively against his skin. But the TV was still blaring away and it made Arthur uncomfortable. Without his conscious awareness, his hands had ended up on Merlin's arse, and he pulled away from Merlin to look for the remote and turn off the TV.

"What is it? Arthur? I'm sorry, I—that was too much too fast, wasn't it? Oh, I'm sorry," Merlin said. 

Arthur could understand why his movement felt like rejection and he smiled in an attempt to be reassuring. "No, it was brilliant. I just don't like the TV noise."

"Oh," Merlin said, turning it off in one smooth motion. It was strange and alluring; Merlin could sometimes trip over air, but he always seemed so comfortable in his own skin, with an odd kind of grace. He turned around to face Arthur again. "Can we get back to, you know, snogging and everything?" He wrapped himself around Arthur even tighter, surrounding him with arms and legs, kissing his cheek sweetly even as Arthur could feel Merlin's hard cock against his own stomach. 

But Merlin pulled back to check that Arthur was okay. Arthur didn't know why fortune had brought him this gift, this perfect moment with this impossibly patient man, but he didn't really care. He just wanted to make him feel good. So Arthur moved his own hips a bit, letting Merlin feel how hard he was too, said, "Yes, let's do that," and went back to kissing him.

Before long they'd removed each other's shirts, and Merlin had moved to kneel in front of Arthur, pulling his hips forward. "Is it okay, can I see you? Maybe have a taste?" Merlin's hooded eyes met Arthur's, and Arthur was filled with an astonishingly strong wave of affection. He reached out with one finger to stroke one of Merlin's adorable, over-large ears, the first thing he'd noticed about Merlin, and nodded.

Together they got off Arthur's jeans and pants and when Arthur said, "You too," Merlin shrugged a bit before taking care of the rest of his own clothes. 

"I'm not, er, as big as you. I hope you don't mind," Merlin said. He was slightly pink and wouldn't meet Arthur's eyes.

Merlin's cock was only a little smaller than Arthur's, and he loved the look of it, rising flushed and straight from the wild black hair between his legs. He realized belatedly that while he was looking his fill, Merlin was still waiting for his reaction. He wasn't sure why Merlin would worry over a minor size difference, but he knew too well that everyone had their insecurities. "I like it," he said. "I like it a lot. Let me show you how much."

"Well," Merlin said, blushing bright red and everywhere, the colour spreading beautifully on his milk-white skin. "I was just going to suck you right here, but with lines like that, I think you deserve my bed." 

"Cheeky!" Arthur laughed, standing up and lightly swatting Merlin's arse. 

"You love it," he replied. He took hold of Arthur's hand and led him to his bedroom. His flat was smaller than Arthur's, but also much cozier. He'd been there a few times before, but this was his first time in Merlin's bedroom. With Merlin pressing his whole body and his insistent cock against Arthur's back, though, he didn't take in much of the bedroom beyond a vibrantly coloured quilt before he turned and kissed Merlin again. 

He moved to Merlin's neck, which earned him a loud gasp, so he reached down to curl his fingers around Merlin's cock, not really doing anything yet, just feeling it and learning it for the first time. It felt like it was made for his hand, but this thing between them was still too new to voice something as emotional as that, so instead he said something else. "This is so easy with you. Why is it so easy?" He was embarrassed to find that his voice was shaking.

Merlin looked at him for a long moment in silence, his hand loosening where he'd been gripping Arthur's hip tightly. Arthur feared he had ruined everything. He shouldn't have said anything like that. 

When Merlin laughed, Arthur was taken aback, but then Merlin said, "Did you just call me easy? That's not a very nice thing to say, Arthur. I would think," he continued, pinching Arthur's left nipple roughly, which no one had ever done to him before and which made Arthur's cock twitch, "That someone as proper as you would know better, hmm?" It was alright if Merlin didn't understand. Arthur was too lost to sensation to explain right now, anyway.

"Ah, y-yes," Arthur managed to stutter out. "That's nice. Do that again."

Merlin instead pushed him to the bed and did it with his lips and teeth this time, suckling and biting and making Arthur arch in pleasure. He pinched the other nipple with his fingers and stroked Arthur's cock with his free hand. It leapt; it actually leapt. Arthur didn't even know it could do that. He knew this first time wouldn't last long at all.

Merlin pulled away from his nipple with a wet, filthy noise, giving Arthur that dark and hungry look again. "You're so responsive. I love it," he said, moving to kiss a trail down Arthur's stomach, dipping his tongue into his navel, which Arthur didn't like much at all. 

"Oh, don't kiss me there, too sensitive," he said, batting Merlin's head away. 

Merlin looked up. "Okay. I want to learn these things about you, you know," he said, and Arthur felt himself carried away on another wave of affection.

He moved on, finally, to Arthur's cock, just kissing the head at first, very gently. Then, with no warning aside from meeting Arthur's eyes, he opened his mouth fully and swallowed him nearly to the root. His hands continued to play with Arthur's nipples and Arthur was close to coming almost instantly.

"Merlin!" he cried out at the the first slow, tight pull of Merlin's lips up his cock. On the second pull, he came with a shout in Merlin's mouth. Or at least he thought he had. Instead he felt clumsy and foolish when he saw the come on Merlin's lips and even on his cheek. Arthur blushed hotly and couldn't meet Merlin's eyes. 

"It's alright, love," Merlin said, licking his lips and wiping the back of his hand across his face casually. "It's okay to be messy with me. I—I really like that, seeing you lose control," he said, a little shyly.

Merlin moved up and kissed him deeply then, and Arthur tasted himself. This was another thing no one had ever done before, kissed him after a blowjob. He'd never felt so adored. Although he'd only known Merlin for a few weeks, Merlin just seemed to understand him perfectly, his need for order and his shame when he failed to follow his self-imposed rules, like not coming on a partner's face without permission. 

Arthur hugged him tightly. "I want to get my hands and my mouth on you, too," he said, rolling them over until Merlin was beneath him. He remembered the noises Merlin had made earlier when he'd kissed his neck, so he went back to that, kissing and sucking and probably leaving a mark. He was surprised to find how much he liked the idea of Merlin carrying the mark of Arthur's mouth there, where anyone could see. He'd never wanted anything like that before.

Arthur moved his weight off Merlin and sucked and bit at his neck like it was a feast. Merlin's skin tasted so good, salty with the sweat of their exertions. He moaned when Arthur's hand found his cock, which was rock-hard. Arthur stroked softly and then moved to fondle his balls, back and forth until Merlin was squirming. Suddenly Arthur wanted nothing more than to have that beautiful cock inside him. He thought about how to ask, as he often did, spinning sentences in his head until sometimes he was too paralyzed with doubt to speak at all. But this felt so natural between them, and he decided to just go with his instincts.

"Merlin, I'd really like you to fuck me. Could we do that?" he asked softly, a little fearful that Merlin wouldn't want to do that, or that he would mock Arthur in some way. All the other people he'd had sex with had expected him to take the lead, and he didn't even really know why. It had never bothered him, because it was not easy for him to trust people. But Merlin was so open and honest in everything that he did and he had been accepting of Arthur so far. And Arthur loved how fierce Merlin had been with him. 

"Mmm, yes, love," Merlin said, smiling softly, his eyes still hungry and intent. "I've been wanting to do that since I first saw that arse of yours."

Arthur laughed as Merlin reached into his nightstand and produced a large bottle of lube and a condom. Arthur had never seen such a big bottle before and raised his eyebrows at it.

"Oh, hush. I use it to wank. I like to finger myself," he said.

Knowing how Merlin's words had affected him earlier, Arthur replied, "I want to learn these things about you too, what you like and what you don't like." He couldn't work out what he wanted to say next, and he searched for a moment for the right words. "I don't want to make any mistakes. I always want to make you feel good. Do you like to top? Is it okay?"

"Yes, I like everything," Merlin said, grinning playfully as he pumped a generous amount of lube into his left palm and coated the fingers of his other hand with it. "But Arthur, everyone makes mistakes. We'll learn each other together."

Although Arthur felt his cheeks heating again, he forced himself to meet Merlin's eyes, and he nodded.

"Now spread your legs for me, yes, just like that," Merlin said. As he pumped his fingers into Arthur, stretching him open very slowly, Arthur's cock twitched and began to fill again. When Merlin brushed over his prostrate, Arthur cried out. Merlin slowed down even more. "Shh, love," he said, kissing the head of Arthur's cock like he had before, like it was precious. Like Arthur was worth something. Arthur felt the start of tears in his throat and in his eyes and blinked them away, overcome with emotion but not wanting Merlin to think anything was wrong. 

Finally, Merlin moved back and rolled on the condom. He knelt in front of Arthur and began to press inside. Arthur immediately wrapped his legs around Merlin's waist and brought his hands up to stroke Merlin's face. When Merlin bottomed out, Arthur felt overwhelmed again. He wanted to pull this gorgeous man, this strange and unexpected creature, into his body, as often as he could, and he wanted to keep him in his heart forever.

Merlin's face was tight in concentration, but he opened his eyes to look at Arthur and see if he was okay. Arthur just smiled, blissed out and full of Merlin, full of warmth. Merlin began to move in and out with fast strokes, his hand tugging at Arthur's cock roughly, the gentleness from earlier gone. He locked his eyes with Arthur's, and Arthur was shocked at the intensity of his gaze.

"Come for me, Arthur," he whispered. "You're so tight; you feel so good. Want to feel you come around my cock."

Arthur's orgasm took him by surprise with its strength, especially since he'd just come a little while before. He yelled out as his arse clenched around Merlin's cock and his own come hit high on his chest. Merlin fucked him through it, and then with a brutal, final thrust, he stilled inside him, his features smoothing out completely as he came.

He fell forward and kissed Arthur without pulling out, somehow still hungry and demanding. Arthur kissed back with equal fervour and held him close. Merlin said, as though reading Arthur's thoughts, "I want to stay inside you, love, but I can't, have to take care of this." Merlin nuzzled Arthur's chest, lapping at the come for a moment, and pulled out, standing up to take care of the condom. He came back from the bathroom with a warm, wet flannel and cleaned Arthur thoroughly, stopping to kiss and lick and even nibble a little.

Arthur felt himself beginning to drift but woke up enough to ask, "Is it okay if I sleep here tonight?"

Merlin furrowed his brow. "Of course, Arthur. Why would you ask that, love?"

Arthur looked down and cleared his throat. "No one has ever wanted to sleep with me afterward," he said. "They've always been very eager to get away."

"Oh no. Oh, my poor love," Merlin said, sounding genuinely moved. "You're glorious, Arthur. How could anyone walk away from you? I know this is too soon to say, but I don't think I ever could."

Merlin's words were so heartfelt and honest, and Arthur's heart soared to learn that his feelings were returned, despite how new this thing between them was. "It's not too soon to say," he managed, his voice breaking a little. "It's what I was trying to say earlier. This is so easy between us. I've never felt like this before." 

Merlin's eyes were blazing with emotion when they met Arthur's. "I knew what you meant. I only made it into a joke because I wanted you to relax a little." 

"I'm glad you understand," Arthur said, knowing how much feeling was in his voice but trusting for once that it was okay to feel so much, that it was normal, "I'm glad."

Arthur arranged Merlin on his chest, and before long, they both fell asleep.

3.  
The dream had not been realistic, but the fear had been very real, and it was difficult for Arthur to return from that dark place. It was strange, he thought. He did worry about Merlin's health and dangerous accidents, but he never worried that Merlin would walk away from him, or that he'd truly be lost like he had been in the dream. 

But Arthur saw that the feeling was the same. It didn't matter why you lost someone you loved. It only mattered that you would never see them again. That's what he'd felt in the dream. He'd felt the same empty ache inside when his mother had died when he was five, when his best friend Leon moved away in primary school, when his cat had died of old age. 

He never wanted to lose Merlin. He never wanted Merlin to think he was anything less than essential. Sometimes, knowing he had Merlin to come home to was the only reason he could push past his many fears and live his life. He still carried his own burdens, but Merlin eased them so much, just by believing in him and loving him.

It was impulsive, but it felt natural, just like that first time he'd asked Merlin to fuck him. It was impulsive and very unlike Arthur, but he decided to do it, despite the fear. 

He kissed Merlin on the forehead with little pecks until he blinked awake again. Merlin smiled. The sun was just rising; it was probably 6 AM, and they both had the day off, with all day to spend in bed, if they wanted. It really was the perfect time.

"Merlin, I need to ask you something," he said, holding Merlin's gaze and placing his hands on his shoulders. Merlin looked patient, as always, but very curious. "I don't ever want to be apart from you. Will you marry me?"

Merlin's smile grew into a blinding grin. "Not if you marry me first," he said. Arthur didn't know how to interpret that at all. Did Merlin know he was serious? Was Arthur wrong? Did Merlin want to walk away someday? He could feel the panic of the dream returning, and it increased when Merlin got up. He didn't want to have to explain or laugh it off. 

But Merlin didn't leave the room. He crawled under the bed until Arthur heard a muffled "aha!"

Merlin stood up again, with his hands clasped behind his back, and Arthur was abruptly amused at how formal he was trying to look, despite the fact that he was clad only in boxers and socks. "I was going to do this properly, you know, since you're such a proper bloke. Posh restaurant, violins, maybe even style my hair for a change. I was definitely going to go down on one knee." He laughed happily.

Arthur felt warmth and love flood through him as he sat up in bed, his confusion and panic fading away now that he knew why Merlin had reacted as he had. That scenario sounded truly awful to Arthur, but he laughed too, especially at the idea of Merlin trying to tame his wild hair. 

Merlin sat down cross-legged on the bed, presenting the ring box with a flourish and opening it. Inside was a simple silver band. Merlin took it out and placed it in Arthur's palm.

"Aren't you meant to slide this on my finger, Merlin?" he said, arching an eyebrow.

"Oh, just put it on and say yes," Merlin replied, still laughing.

"This is not very romantic," he said, as he put on the cold metal band. "But that's okay. I do love you. I'm sorry I asked before buying a ring. That wasn't the right way to do it." Arthur looked away. He regretted acting on his impulse; although the idea of a public proposal really bothered Arthur, with all those strangers seeing his emotions, he would have gotten through it, for Merlin's sake.

Merlin surged forward and grabbed his chin, forcing Arthur to meet his eyes. "Oh, Arthur. I was only teasing. I would never have done those things. I know you would have hated it. That isn't us. We get to decide how we do things, love," he said, then continued, with a small, teasing pout, "But you still haven't said yes."

Arthur sighed in relief and clutched Merlin's head to his chest. Arthur had never felt so much joy, knowing that he and this beautiful, impossible creature would belong to each other for the rest of their lives. 

"Yes," he whispered into Merlin's hair. He bit the shell of his ear and whispered the word right inside, delighting in Merlin's shiver at the sensation. He pushed Merlin off balance and licked and sucked everywhere, saying it again and again, until Merlin was saying it with him as Arthur lowered himself onto Merlin's cock, bending to kiss him with all of the love and gratitude that he could give.

**Author's Note:**

> If you feel this story needs additional tags, please let me know, as this is my first time posting a fanfic, and I know there are some potential triggers. Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
